There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
