I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
