So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
