you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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