I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
