He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
