GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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