The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
