Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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