I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The power of my boobs compel you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
