Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
