i think i have two assholes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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