the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I could make wine with my vomit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
