so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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