So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Blood and glitter go together right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
