please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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