What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
