the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
