My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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