Umm I'm too high to move.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
