I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
