filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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