Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
