Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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