We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
