Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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