More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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