You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
