he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
