i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
