She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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