I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
