he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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