Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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