i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize