I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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