Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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