no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
