operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
