CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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