At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
