I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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