Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
