you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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