u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The air taste purple.
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