So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
