That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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