i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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