I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
MIDGETS
????
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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