I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
