I look better un-naked...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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