Who wears a wallet chain?!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
