I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
