She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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