i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
