Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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