I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
