I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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