she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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