When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
