Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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