I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
