I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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