Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I need to align my fucking chakras
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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