On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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