I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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