the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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