They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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