Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
