then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
