Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
