Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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