belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
