We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
