That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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