You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
