I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
barbara walters just said penis...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
