you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
