I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
