don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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