she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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