i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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