man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
