I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
