I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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